He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
