At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
