You're completely useless in the revolution.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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