if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
