We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
