No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
