Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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