careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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