Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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