drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
