so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
