We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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