i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
