1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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