he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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