I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
