I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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