Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
