He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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