youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
