You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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