mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
