He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
