Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
