she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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