he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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