I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
