Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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