You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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