Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
