Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
