Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
