Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
