His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
