new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
