Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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