the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
