Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
