Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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