so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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