our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
