Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
