Sponge bath it is.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
