i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
