4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
