He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
