im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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