I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can text with my tongue
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
