I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
