Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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