Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
